Why aren’t you more responsible?

''You should be more responsible''

''Will you be more responsible next time?''

''Can I trust you to be responsible?''

We all have faced some iteration of that statement in our lifetime. If you are someone who hasn't, you must be special. You must be the responsible one. Responsibility is defined as an adjective which means ''having an obligation to do something, or having control over or care for someone, as part of one's job or role.''

Notice the word control. This form of control is something that you can't learn in a day. Control takes practice. Control takes time. That is why being responsible takes more time than we are ever told.

Let me speak from my personal experience. I grew up in a house where my parents were responsible for almost everything about me. For everything I had to depend on them. Except for my social life at school, everything was up to them. And yes, I was one of those few kids who also had a curfew whenever he wanted to stay out with friends. So I never was given the time to learn the control required to be responsible. I don't blame my parents, they were doing what they felt right. But the control that they did not let me have didn't quite help him become responsible.

The first time I learnt about responsibility was in high school. The high school I went to was a 1-2 hour bus ride from my house. This was the first time in 17 years my parents were forced to give me responsibility. And those 2 years of my life, the 2 years when I was responsible for myself taught me more than the past 17. Practicing the control I needed helped me learn what I needed to grow up as a person. Had I not been given that control i wouldn't have learnt to be responsible.

But not many parents give that control to their kids early on. A lot of asian parents specially wait till their kids graduate high school or university. But sometimes it is too late and the kids end up having a harder time than usual.

For this reason, there needs to be a system by which slowly kids can be introduced to the control required to be responsible. Japan is known to be one of the well maintained societies and living here for the past 5 years has made me realize one of the things that has contributed to this. From kindergarten Japanese kids are held responsible for keeping their classrooms clean. Everyday after class all the kids clean their classroom. This isn't something that's just for the young kids, this continues till they graduate high school. For 12 years they keep on practicing this act of control and responsibility.

The end result is the continuation of this system throughout different sectors of their life. One of those sectors is in the office. When I started working in Japan I was surprised to see that we have know cleaners. No one is hired to come clean the office or take out the trash. So how does the office stay clean? We, the employees clean it together everyday after work. This is the norm in most offices.

Everyday after work we have 20 minutes for cleaning. From vacuuming to toilet cleaning and taking out the trash. We do it all. No matter what position you work at. I have seen the CEO cleaning the toilet. He doesn't mind. It's the everyone's responsibility. Not only daily cleaning, we have a monthly 2 hour cleaning where we make sure everything is clean from the AC fans to the corners of every shelf. We do a routine check up of everything.

As you can see, that short practice of cleanliness sticks to them till old age. that is why you don't see dirty streets in most places of Japan. They take responsibility.

So next time anyone blames you for not being responsible don't blame yourself. First ask yourself if you were given enough time to practice this skill. If not then it's not your fault. You just need more time. You can add daily dose of practicing it in your life. You can start by making your bed every single morning. An act, so small yet effective.