Heartless or Normal?

Photo by Kelly Sikkema on Unsplash

Living abroad is a really big commitment. Apart from the financial aspect, there is a big emotional aspect that we go through. We are not only just leaving our motherland we are living a bunch of relationships, friendships and emotions.

But by far the biggest sacrifice is to live away from our parents. Especially as we grow up, seeing them grow older is hard enough. But having to do it thousands of miles away from home is really really hard.

When I first came to Japan 5 years ago, the first 2 days were really hard for me. Without my parents, I was lost and scared and was doubting my decision of studying abroad. But after that day I never felt like that. Ever since that day I always question myself, if I am heartless and emotionless, or is this just a normal thing that happens. I used to see my peers being emotional about their parents, going back to Bangladesh at the first opportunity. But I never felt anything similar. I have only been in Bangladesh for 5 days in the past 5 years. That fact in itself always makes me question my emotional attachment to my parents.

For the past 3 weeks, my mother was really sick. She had to regularly go to the hospital to get checked up with no signs of getting better. My father at the same time was having a hard time dealing with it during a pandemic. I really felt helpless the past few weeks but I didn't feel emotionless. I constantly checked up on my mother and I tried to assist in any way possible.

Alhamdulillah, my mother has since started to recover. I had a 15 min call with her today after a long time. That 15 minutes really brightened up my day. It reminded me that like a lot of people I may not show my emotions. I may not do grand gestures. But I am not heartless. I do love and miss my family a lot. But my way of dealing with these emotions is unlike others.

If you are reading this, and if you live away from your family like me, I hope you check up on them regularly. I hope you cherish talking to them every single day. Doesn't matter how you show your emotions, there is no right or wrong way. As long as you are there for them when they need you.